


Han Jisung: The Owners’ Guide and Instruction Manual

by peachesandwine



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Slight Minsung, User manual stuff, Why am I even writing this, minsung is dumb, nothing new, trash, what is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 12:37:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18120881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachesandwine/pseuds/peachesandwine
Summary: Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of the limited edition JISUNG unit. To ensure you understand and get the benefit of full use, please read carefully the instruction manual below.





	Han Jisung: The Owners’ Guide and Instruction Manual

**Han Jisung:** The Owners’ Guide and Instruction Manual

 

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of the limited edition JISUNG unit. To ensure you understand and get the benefit of full use, please read carefully the instruction manual below.

 

* * *

 

**Basic JISUNG unit Information:**

**Name:** Han Jisung

 **Date of Manufacture:** 14th September 2000

 **Place of Manufacture:** Just Your Phantasy (JYP) Corporation, Strays Division

 **Height:** Not tall, I tell ya. JISUNG unit is pretty tiny, compare with the rest of STRAY KIDS unit collections. But that’s one of his perks. He’s very huggable.

 **Weight:** We remind you again, he’s tiny. Probably below 80% in the CDC boys growth charts.

 

* * *

  

**Your JISUNG unit will come with the following accessories:**

Two T-shirts

One plaid shirt

One pair of black jeans

One pair of Chip-and-Dale pyjama.

Two pair of Shoes (JISUNG unit loves shoes. So please, get your money ready because we assure you that you will spend most of your earnings pampering him with shoes and cheesecakes)

 

 **First Time Opening your JISUNG units** (READ THIS CAREFULLY):

Your JISUNG unit is fully-automated so in order to activate it, you only need to give him a kiss on his forehead. Please do not do something stupid such as kiss him on the lips or anywhere inappropriate. JISUNG unit is roughly 18 years old internationally but he is 5 years old by heart. So, it will scare him and send him into a PANIC mode and we assure you, it is very hard to calm him down when he’s in this mode. So please, refrain conducting any stupid act regarding this unit.

 

When you first activate your JISUNG unit, he will probably get scared and confused. Please do not use high tone when you speak to him, especially when you first activate it. What he calls you depends on what gender are you. JISUNG unit will automatically call you ‘noona’ if you are a woman and ‘hyung’ if you are a man. But you could always tell him to call you another name whichever you desire. He’s very cheerful unit and definitely will make your day brighter.

 

**Programs:**

**_Rapper Program_** – Your JISUNG unit is a brilliant unit and versatile in almost everything he does. He is an exceptionally great lyrical rapper. He raps like a fuckin’ bullet train and could even match the great speed of sound. He puts many other rappers to shame. So yes, you might as well be damned proud of him.

 ** _Singer Program_** – Did we mention that he’s a brilliant unit? Well, we say it again. He’s one of the most talented lil’ bean out there. As if being a superb rapper is not enough, he fuckin’ excels at singing—even nailed his high notes like it was a piece of nut. His honey voice leaves people craving for more, but he’s never too confident about his vocal. So yes, you know what to do now. Better praise him and constantly giving him assurance y’all.

 ** _Dancer Program_** – Did we mention how versatile this unit again? Well, we say it again. Not only he’s a great rapper and a great singer, JISUNG unit excels at dancing. He can execute any dance routine flawlessly. He might as well teach your pathetic ass about dancing.

 ** _Producer Program_** – Your JISUNG unit is a talented unit. He can write, compose, and produce his own piece. He might as well make you a cheesy-ass cringe-worthy romantic song for your birthday and he will enthusiastically sing it for you. He’s just **that** precious.

 

**Mode:**

Your JISUNG unit comes with the following modes:

 ** _Playful Mode_** – This mode speaks for itself. JISUNG unit is one of the most playful unit in the STRAY KIDS collections. He’s a bright unit and cuddly too, though not as cuddly as HYUNJIN unit but still demands a lot of your attention. By your attention means that he doesn’t like being ignored. He likes to cuddle in your bed, even if he already has one, so you will most likely wake up to him snuggling around. He is cheerful by nature and is easily pleased. He likes being spoon-fed when he’s upset, even if he doesn’t show it. He doesn’t usually take jokes seriously and he would only laugh if off if someone teases him. But don’t take it for granted. JISUNG unit is a soft-hearted boy and sometimes he thinks too much of what people around him says about him. So please just, don’t.

 ** _Genius Mode_** – Need help with homework such as music assignments or lyrics writing? No worries. JISUNG unit is one of the brightest unit in STRAY KIDS unit collections. He could easily finish your assignment in one day. Yes human, ONE day. He’s just THAT talented and smart. Can’t relate? Same. But please, for your sake and your JISUNG unit’s sake, don’t let him anywhere near knife or stove, or kitchen in general, if you still want to have your kitchen intact, that is.

 ** _Rebellious Mode_** – This mode is actually quite tiring, so we suggest avoid this mode at any cost. Like any other adolescent units, having a rebellious mode is inevitable. You will notice the change of behaviour if he accidentally slips into this mode. He will get cranky, moody and more sensitive. Cranky, moody and sensitive JISUNG units bounds to make stupid decisions and this is where you step in. You have to prevent JISUNG unit from slipping into Rebellious Mode for more than 72 hours. Yes people, 72 hours is the window period just because JISUNG unit is one of the prototype 3RACHA unit hence the subsequent instability. Prolonged use of this mode will activate either angry mode, panic mode or even worse, suicidal mode. He’s very sensitive and easily triggered especially in this mode. So, please refrain from doing stupid things such as yelling, screaming, or intimidating him. It will NOT work. It would only cause JISUNG unit to switch into suicidal mode and you’re basically doomed for life.

 **[LOCKED] _Suicidal Mode_** – Like the name itself, this mode is the most dangerous mode out of all. The activation of this mode is resulted from prolonged rebellious mode. Once your JISUNG unit switches into this mode, it is almost impossible to turn him back into his default mode, unless you have MINHO unit or one of the 3RACHA units.

 

**Relationship with Other Units:**

WOOJIN unit: JISUNG unit has a good relationship with this unit. Due to the friendly nature of JISUNG unit, he often encourages WOOJIN unit to be more confident, especially on his singing skills.

 

BANG CHAN unit: Due to their similar origin, BANG CHAN unit is one of the units that could help you if anything happens to your JISUNG unit. BANG CHAN unit has mother hen tendencies, especially to JISUNG unit so it’s not surprising that BANG CHAN unit is overprotective towards JISUNG unit. If your JISUNG unit sulks and doesn’t want to cuddle you but cuddle BANG CHAN unit instead, let him be. Don’t be jealous.

 

CHANGBIN unit: Unlike BANG CHAN unit, JISUNG unit had a rather odd history of love and hate relationship with CHANGBIN unit. They fool around, prank each other and argue until BANG CHAN unit has to physically separate them before they potentially kill each other. But even with all those crazy banters and argument, CHANGBIN unit really cares for JISUNG unit, especially since he’s one of the unit that knows JISUNG unit the longest. Touch JISUNG unit inappropriately and consider yourself a dead meat. CHANGBIN unit ain’t come around to play.

 

MINHO unit: If you ever notice how JISUNG unit acts around MINHO unit, you will immediately know that their relationship is more than that of a normal friendship. There is a little budding romance there, somewhere, amidst their declaration of denial. Remember, MINHO unit is dumb, especially when it comes to his feeling to a certain squirrel-look-alike unit and to make it even more frustrating, JISUNG unit—despite his genius mode—is really _dumb_ when it comes to relationship. See how frustrating it is? So, in short, you can expect to see them flirting with each other but they would deny it anyway. MINSUNG units are dumb. Period.

 

MAKNAE LINE unit: JISUNG unit generally has a good relationship with other MAKNAE LINE unit. He would probably get bully a lot though. Well, can’t blame them since JISUNG unit is victim-material. But they love him unconditionally though. It’s their weird way of showing it.

 

**Cleaning**

Your JISUNG unit is perfectly capable of cleaning after himself. He’s might be a bit lazy—okay maybe he’s lazy at cleaning his room, but you know, this is where cheesecake bribe comes to the picture.

 

**Feeding**

JISUNG unit is not kitchen-friendly, so you know what to do. Make sure to remind him to eat though. He sometimes forgets to eat, especially when he is in producer mode.

 

* * *

 

 

**FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:**

**Q: My JISUNG unit keep sulking because I’m not buying him cheesecake. What can I do? I’m just a broke college student and don’t have money to spend on a cheesecake every day!**

A: What did we tell you? JISUNG unit is high-maintenance unit so he needs his cheesecake almost every day. But fear not, peasant! Even though JISUNG unit is high maintenance, he is one of the most easily distracted unit of out of STRAY KIDS unit collections. You can bribe him with cheap snacks or even ice cream. Usually he stops sulking and back to his cheerful self. Cheesecake long-forgotten!

**Q: My JISUNG unit has been clingy lately. It’s not that I mind, but I really need to finish my assignment if I want to graduate.**

A: Get a MINHO unit. We specifically warned you before that JISUNG unit is an affectionate unit and will constantly need to be shower with love, cuddle and kisses. If you think you can’t fulfil that, get yourself a MINHO unit.

 

**Q: So, here’s the story. I accidentally run him over with my car in front of 3RACHA units and now I’m hiding in a green trash can 20 miles away from home. What should I do?**

A: DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO WHAT WE SAY? You do not mess with 3RACHA units, especially if it’s regarding their youngest. We are very sorry but it’s over for you. You might as well dye your hair to purple, get a new identity, spray some fake tan, get a plastic surgery done, get a passport and move away to Arctic because there is no way you would survive the wrath of 3RACHA units, especially in their Killer mode. Once they found you, you will be skinned alive and eventually die a slow-painful death. All the JYP Corporations staffs wish you the best of luck! Call 1-409-XXXX for further information.

 

 

**ALRIGHT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE BIDDING MAY STARTS AT $14 MILLION**

 

 


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